What Would I Give…?

Originally Posted at The Festering Swamp on August 8, 2007

I posted this last year shortly after returning from a trip up to the Pacific Northwest. That trip was the last time I ever saw my brother, as he passed away on August 30, 2007. As I said in the post, I am still thinking of moving away from San Antonio (likely to somewhere in the Pacific Northwest – probably Washington, Idaho, or Montana), but I will remain here at least through the first half of 2009. I'll just have to see what develops between now and then. – Mike LaRoche

As you all know, the main purpose of my trip to the Pacific Northwest was to visit my brother in Yakima, Washington, who is ailing from a terminal genetic nerve disorder. He is in very bad shape. He requires help to walk around and on really bad days he even has trouble holding items with his hands. On some days he's quite lucid, but on others dementia takes hold and he's barely aware of his surroundings. When it comes to taking care of himself, he's worse off than my ninety-one-year-old grandmother living in Santa Barbara. But he's fifty-one years her junior.

The reality of his condition is difficult for me to accept because just a few years ago he was the picture of health and making a successful living as a contractor. Now he can barely walk from one end of his house to the other. My sister-in-law, niece, and nephew have handled the situation as well as can be expected, but their seeing my brother fade away on a daily basis must be unbearable.

My visit to Yakima has also compelled me to reevaluate my own thirty-two years on this earth and the course my life is taking. With regards to my brother, I'd long looked at my relationship with him as something that could develop further in the future, when I might have more free time to spend with him, perhaps going on an elk-hunting trip with he and his buddies (my brother's long been a major hunting enthusiast). Two years ago I even purchased a nice double-barreled shotgun to use for just such a future excursion. A pointless acquisition, in retrospect.

With regard to my career and personal life, I've been in a bit of a funk. A change of scenery might be in order within the next year. I'm not going to go into any further detail as I have a lot to think through where major life changes are concerned, but the past two weeks have rekindled my long love of the Pacific Northwest, which is at least as strong as my love of Texas.

Sorry for the gloomy tone of this post. My trip to the north had its fun moments (like my trip to Missoula and night out with Cassandra) which I'll post about in a day or two along with some pics.

We often live our lives as if the future is endless, but my experiences over the past two weeks have reminded me otherwise. Next year is now, and there's no reason I should accept my present situation as permanent. Throughout the trip, the following Rosanne Cash song – "Blue Moon With Heartache" – was often on my mind. It provides a fitting conclusion to this post.

Well, I'm Back

When I shut down this blog last September, I was not sure if I would ever revive it – I was not even sure if I would still be living in Texas past this summer. However, I will remain in the Lone Star State for at least another year, and have thus revived this blog whereupon I will be posting regular political commentary and writing about whatever else may interest me.

As I mentioned in my reply to Nancy Rommelmann in the comments to my “Testing” post of April 3, I will also be re-posting some of the entries I wrote for The Festering Swamp when I was a contributing member. Twenty-seven of the entries were saved on my hard drive. As I re-post them gradually over the next several months, some of the entries may be slightly revised from their original form.

During the nine months I have been away from this blog, things have been relatively stable on the family front. My sister-in-law, niece, and nephew are holding up well in the aftermath of my brother’s death, as are my mother and father. The possums still come around my back yard every once in a while, but they aren’t quite as gregarious as they were when they were still growing up, nor are my cats quite as tolerant of them.

Next week will mark the beginning of eight weeks of vacation, during which I will use the time to get some much needed home improvement projects taken care of and try to post entries on this blog on a more regular basis. There are several book reviews and even a film review I intend to post in the coming weeks, and of course there is always much to write about concerning the present political scene.

Before I go on, take note of the blogroll to the right, which includes links to family and friends of the late Cathy Seipp: Maia Lazar, Nancy Rommelmann, Moxie – and friends I made among the Cathy’s World commentariat: Nancy Catmull Matocha, Mike K, Lisa of Goatboy Soaps, Carol Minjares (Cassandra), Dana, Vivian Louise, Bradley J. Fikes, and Odysseus, among others. Also included are additional blogs that I regularly read and occasionally comment at, such as Hog on Ice and Hot Air.

Speaking of commenting, I am sure you have noticed that I have added HaloScan commenting to this blog. I became accustomed to HaloScan back when I was a regular commenter at Cathy’s World, and since taking up blogging myself over a year ago I have come to appreciate how HaloScan enables blog administrators to easily dispose of offensive comments and ban persistent trolls. HaloScan does have its hiccups from time to time – the moniker “HaloSatan” reflects that ever-present-reality – but it is what I have become used to, so I will stick with it for now.

I am aware that there are other options regarding commenting software. Vox Day, whose blog I regularly read, recently installed a new commenting system called CoComment. If I do switch from HaloScan at some point in the future, CoComment may be what replaces it, but that won’t be any time soon, if ever.

As for my commenting policy, I see no need to post a laundry list of rules like some blogs do. My administrative style is a relaxed one, but that does not mean that I will permit trolls or griefers to take over the discussion by way of throwing childish insults or boring readers with recycled, repetitive, shop-worn slogans, catchphrases, and memes which can turn an otherwise illuminating conversation into a mindless chattering session more appropriate for a group of retarded marmosets than rational, intelligent human beings.

Bottom line: if you are looking for intelligent, troll-free discussion and commentary, this is the place for you!

My Brother Has Passed Away

Early Thursday evening, at 6:19 pm, the call I’d been dreading for so many months finally came. It was my sister-in-law letting me know of my brother’s passing. Though I’ve had months to prepare for this, there is still an air of unreality about it all. Is it really over? Is he really gone?

I’m grateful to all of you for the kind and comforting words you have written to me since I first mentioned my brother’s illness at Cathy’s World back in December. When the initial diagnosis (of a terminal nerve disorder) was made in October - my brother’s doctors gave him two to five years to live. In June, the prognosis worsened, his remaining time reduced to just a few months.

I don’t know that I can say much more here than in my August 8 post at The Festering Swamp, but I’ll try. I have never lost a member of my immediate family before, so this is an entirely new (and very unwelcome) experience. Why did this happen to him? At forty years of age with a wife and two kids, he should have been in the prime of his life.

Back on August 8, I wrote of how my brother’s condition had compelled me to reevaluate my life and the course it was taking. Oddly enough, I’ve found myself infused with a new spirit of optimism, a determination to correct what has gone wrong, attend what has been neglected, and awake what has long been dormant.

Richard did not live his life in vain, and neither shall I.

Rest in peace, my brother.

My Brother

This past Saturday, my sister-in-law e-mailed me a couple of pictures of my brother. I've previously mentioned that he is suffering from a terminal genetic nerve disorder, and from the pictures I can see that the illness is taking quite a toll on him. He once looked so healthy and full of life, but now has a ghostly pallor and has lost a lot of weight.

I'll be visiting him in a couple of months when I fly up to Washington. While the pictures will help alleviate some of the shock, I'm not sure if I'll be fully prepared for what I will see. It just sucks to live so damn far away...

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my thirty-second birthday. I'll be spending most of the day substituting classes for one of my colleagues. Also, this is Fiesta Week in San Antonio (the picture to the left is of the Riverwalk during Fiesta), meaning that much of downtown is inaccessible due to the events and parades scheduled. It is of little consequence to me, for I haven't been to any Fiesta events since 2005 as I prefer to spend quiet evenings at home rather than with drunken party-goers.

I'm not sure what else to add. The past year was rather rough what with my dad's bypass surgery and my brother being diagnosed with an incurable genetic nerve disorder. On a more positive note, I grew closer to my fellow Cathy's World commenters. In the wake of Cathy Seipp's passing I've even been able to help with the creation of The Festering Swamp, a blog dedicated to preserving Cathy's unique cyberspace legacy.

Ultimately, I hope my thirty-second year will bring more joy than tragedy. In the words of Winston Churchill: "Never, never, never quit."

Late-Night Spring Break Blogging

At Nancy's request, here's a new entry!

Although I am not teaching this week because of Spring Break, much has been going on lately. My folks moved up to San Antonio (my dad retired last month) and I've been quite busy helping out. For now, they're staying with me until they get a place of their own. Having lived alone for fourteen years, getting used to living with them again will be a bit of an adjustment, but so far things are going smoothly.

The pet situation is rather touchy, however. Four years ago my mom adopted a cat, but I've had one of my own for the past eight years. Thus far there's just been some hissing and growling and I'm hoping the uneasy truce will hold. Kim Jong-Il wishes he had it so easy.